My Fear of Writing and How I’m Trying to Overcome it.
Is it a lack of motivation?
So, Ive been thinking – am I the only one that gets motivated, starts writing, gets halfway through a story and then stops? Is it because of a lack of inspiration? No. I’m always inspired. Is it because I don’t have the time? No. I stay up all night. Is it because I am lazy? Possibly. Is it because after writing I feel like my story isn’t good enough? Well, I think I hit the nail on the head. Sometimes, I’m just afraid to write.
I’m not writing this to make an excuse for not updating or finishing my stories earlier, I’m just writing this to let you know, writing isn’t always easy.
Have you ever felt that no matter what you do, be it writing, singing, the laundry, isn’t good enough? I have heard others say that taking the first step is the hardest. While I think that taking the first step can be difficult, for me, continuing is what makes writing so hard. That initial submission, that initial song that you sing for others to hear can be nerve wrecking, but you can get past it. But after that submission, what if what people don’t like what I do now? What if it’s not as good as the first one?
I struggle with thinking that anything that I submit now – will not be as good as the last. People will cease to find value in my writing, and then where will I be?
Fear of Inadequacy
Fear of not being as good as you should be can cripple a writer. It has crippled me. With my story Distractions, I never thought it would be as big of a hit as it was. But what happens if I decide to continue it? What happens if my second installment doesn’t meet the expectations of my readers? Well, that happens, and I just have to get over it.
Fear of Rejection
I tend to write about things that are close to my heart. In each of the stories that I have written, Distractions, Quarterback Sneak, Wanna Play?, I have taken some sense of my personal experience and feelings and injected it into the story. But, why if what I am feeling doesn’t make sense to anyone else. Will anyone want to read it? Will I loose all of the people that love to write for? Its an oxymoron – loving to write for people that love your work, but being afraid to publish any of it.
Fear of Revealing Too Much
Being a fiction writer and loving to write erotica, I am always afraid to reveal too much, but not about sex, about what turns me on. People can relate to sex; we all think about it. If we haven’t had it, we are consumed with how to get it, and how to make it better. But, what if I write an incest story and I reveal too much? What if people read what I am writing and judge me? Of course, I in no way condone incest, but there is a part of the taboo that makes us all wonder. I have no sexual feeling toward anyone I am related too, but what is it that makes the incest genre so popular? As a writer, I love to explore different prompts, genres and ideas, so why shouldn’t incest be one of them?
Take a look at Literotica.com – the site where I submitted my first story, that has a plethora of stories, genres and illustrations all submitted by regular writers like you and me. Their Incest category has more than 25,000 stories. The only category that surpasses the number of entries is Erotic Couplings with 35,000, and thats because Erotic Couplings is basically where you submit a story when you aren’t sure what other category it should go into.
I say all that to say, that yes, incest is bad, but when it comes to fantasies – why is there a stigma if I choose to share my creation? Will I reveal too much, things both true and fictional about myself if I write incest erotica?
Conquering My Fear of Writing
My first step in conquering my writing fear – stop talking down to myself and just write. This website has been a great place for me to do such things. Not only can I say what I want, but this is also a place where others who feel the same as me, or don’t feel the same as me can tell me what they are thinking and how they are feeling.
Understand the Stigma
As a female erotica writer, I have to understand that there is already a stigma when it comes to my writing. Any self respecting women would not write about such things – WRONG. If there is a stigma, I want it, because then that means that someone is paying enough attention to me to assign me that stigma. It doesn’t matter. It only matters:
- That I am a good person
- That I do not do things to intentionally hurt other people
- That I believe in what I am doing
With that said, overcoming my fear of writing will be hard, but I know I can do it. Starting this website was step one of my master plan. Now its time for step two – when I don’t feel like writing, I will write to tell you why. I will make myself accountable for those who do want more. So, if you would please do me a favor? Tell me when I’m slacking. Tell me when I am not giving you what you want, and I will do my best to give you everything I have.